You
ever just have one of those days? You know the ones I’m talking about…those
days when you look in the mirror and just have to say to yourself, ‘Dang, I am
one attractive man!’ Well I had one of those days yesterday. I was seriously
looking good. Skin, unblemished. My beard, flawless. On top of that my head
hair to beard hair ratio was in perfect balance. That is rare for me. AND,
despite having two bowls of ice cream the previous night, I was still able to
suck in my stomach just enough to make it look flat(ish). It was pretty sweet.
Unfortunately, it was wasted because I was stuck behind a grill making
cheesesteaks for the next 12 hours. Bummer.
Anyway,
that has nothing to do with the rest of this post…
But,
yes, I need help. I only made two New Year’s Resolutions this year. One was to
double the amount of dates I went on this year than I did last year. CHECK!
I’ve actually gone on 3 dates this year so I, in fact, TRIPLED my total from
last year. And I have a couple months to spare even! So, yeah, good for me!
The
second one requires some background. My family, first of all, is awesome. I
love them. We do a lot of fun things together. But mainly, when we get
together, we like to eat delicious food. If ever an opportunity arises to eat
delicious food, well then by golly, we take it. Over about the last 10 years a
lot of my extended family has also been migrating to Utah, which has been
great, because it just creates more opportunities for us to eat delicious food
together (side note: In addition to liking delicious food, we also strongly
dislike food that tastes disgusting).
One
of the opportunities we take each and every week to eat delicious food together
is at Sunday dinner. It’s very important to me, which you know if you’ve ever
tried to get me to miss Sunday family dinner. Everyone comes. Aunts, uncles,
cousins, grandparents, Indian blood-brothers, illegitimate children, you name
it. It’s fantastic. And sometimes, if one of my cousins or siblings is dating
someone, they will bring their significant other to Sunday dinner. Then
sometimes that significant other just never stops coming to Sunday dinner and
slowly, over time, we just have to accept them as part of the family (I’m
looking at you Beau and Aaron).
Pretty
much everyone in my family at one time or another, even if they aren’t married,
has brought someone to Sunday dinner. Except for me. In over ten years I have
invited/brought exactly zero ‘outsiders’ to dinner. My older sister? She’s
easily brought several thousand people to dinner over the years. Maybe more.
Me? Not a one. Why? I can’t really answer that.
BUT
last January I boldly proclaimed to my whole family that this was it. This was
the year that Karl Kowallis was finally going to bring a girl over for Sunday
dinner. Not that I would get married or engaged or even get into a serious
relationship. Just that I would bring a girl over for dinner. And although I’ve
done everything in my power to make this goal happen, alas, it has not! (fact:
I’ve literally done nothing to make this happen).
Anyway.
I felt pretty confident earlier this year that I would make it happen. But the
weeks went by. And then months. And still nothing. I was beginning to be
hopeful that everyone had forgotten my bold proclamation, until just recently
when my Grandfather, my own flesh and blood, the man who taught me how to cheat
playing cards, called me out in front of my family! I was sure he had
forgotten, because he can never seem to remember his wifi password (Grandpa,
I’m pretty sure it starts with neogondo). But this, he remembers.
So
that’s why I need your help! It’s crunch time. And I’m at risk of becoming the
laughing stock of family dinner! This cannot happen. So I’m enlisting all of
you, my thousands upon thousands of avid blog followers (actually 43 not so
avid followers), to help me find someone to bring to dinner.
This
is going to be tricky, because I can’t just bring anyone to dinner. It has to
be the right person…so if you are interested or know someone who is interested
in coming to Karl’s Sunday Family dinner sometime before the end of the year,
let me know and I’ll put them through a rigorous interview process and a series
of different tests to see if they can cut it. Having trouble finding people
that want to join me for dinner at my parents house? Here are the top 3 reasons
to come:
- I can guarantee there is always really good food. We are all food snobs.
- My Grandpa always makes homemade ice cream (I know for a fact it’s going to be pistachio this week, but he’s also open to requests)
- There’s a high probability that this baby will be there in a hot tub filled with cheerios:
She belongs to my cousin Rachel…
And if that’s not enough to convince you, then you should
also know that there is a 100% chance that a high level Geology conversation
will break out at some point.
Let's make this happen people. My reputation depends on it!
