Since this is the guidebook to life I figured why not keep you updated on someone's life who lives it to the fullest. Someone who knows what it's like to attend life's 'School of Hard Knocks' and emerge with a Masters degree. Someone, who very humbly hopes that his works in this life will someday, somehow, be considered the greatest feat of genius ever known to mankind. This person also cares about you all deeply. This person...is me. Here's what I did today (feel free to take notes):
8:30am-alarm went off. I hit the snooze button. My next memory is waking up at 9:30 in a panic realizing I either subconsciously hit my snooze button 6 times or just slept through it (I use the alarm on my phone and set it to vibrate. This greatly increases my chances of sleeping through it. In fact, sometimes the gentle vibrations lull me right back to sleep).
I'm at work 5 minutes later. The next big event of the day is lunch. I have an intimate meal with my one of my co-workers, Marv, at that one Mexican place on State St. that has the rooster on the sign. The food successfully gives both me and Marv heartburn for the rest of the day.
My 'friends' at work try to scare me with some silly plastic spider all day. Can you imagine? Trying to scare a grown man with a plastic spider!
My co-worker's efforts to scare me succeed. I continue to be just as scared of spiders I was when I accidentally saw part of 'Arachnophobia' as a small child (Fact: I was 17 when I first saw 'Arachnophobia').
I get home from work at about 6:45pm and I'm feeling a little chilled so I decide to take a bath (also, I hadn't showered all day).
I settle into the tub with a good, mind-enriching novel (Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows) and a bag of beef jerky. My next memory is waking up in a panic an hour and a half later with all the water gone cold. The bag of jerky is now empty.
I have a delicious dinner prepared by the fine staff of The Maverick gas station on 800 N. And then I tune in to the Utah Jazz game. I begin to miss Karl Malone and also begin to regret leaving my lucky stuffed koala bear wearing Jazz uniform in the Philippines this past summer (I did this because when the Jazz lost to the Lakers in the playoffs last year I decided the bear was unlucky and I had to either burn it or leave it in a far away country. I chose the later. Fact: I actually did this.)
A couple of interesting tidbits about koalas: They are not actually bears, they are marsupials. Marsupials get their name because millions of years ago they lived on the planet Mars, but when Mars ran out of water they had to migrate to Earth to survive. Koalas sleep for 23 hours every day, which is pretty rad. This is because they only eat eucalyptus leaves, which are poisonous. Also, there has been an outbreak of chlamydia recently among the koala population at large.
To deal with the Jazz loss, I turn on a video game in which I've created myself as a football player. I rush for over 300 yards in one game and I feel a little better. Then I listen to 'Is this Love' by Whitesnake on repeat as I compose this blog. And now I think I'll go to bed!
I realize that with the goal of this blog being to help each and every one of you improve the quality of your own lives, some of you may try to emulate MY life events. I just want to say that it's about taking baby steps. If you try to jump right into some of things I do, the shock could kill you. Ease into it.