Thursday, February 21, 2013

Bad Date (This Really Happened)...A 3rd Person Narrative by Karl Kowallis

        Here's an updated classic from the world famous Facebook group 'Karl Kowallis isn't getting married and doesn't need your address.' Sorry if this is a repeat for some.
         Once, there was a girl Karl had had his eye on for quite some time. They worked together at a local Mexican restaurant and after a few months (it usually takes Karl an abnormally long amount of time to work up enough courage to ask out a girl that he is genuinely interested in) he finally decided to ask her out. To his surprise and excitement, she agreed to go on a date with him.
        One of Karl's friends had been bugging him to double with him for quite some time so Karl determined that this would be as good a time as any to do so. So the four (Karl, date, friend, friend's girlfriend), made plans for dinner (which Karl paid for), a short local event (which Karl paid for), and then to go get dessert (previously purchased by Karl and then prepared by Karl {the dessert was cream soda floats. Not as tasty as you would think actually.) at Karl's house. Karl's date forgot to mention that when she agreed to go out with him that night, she meant that only her physical body was going to be able to make it, but that her personality, sense of human decency, and general regard for others, had other places to be.
        Dinner was relatively normal (Karl's date ordered something and then didn't eat it). The short local activity was going alright, until the four of them bumped into another friend (a dude) of theirs (actually more of an acquaintance of Karl's and an old friend of Karl's other friend {Confused yet? Good). Well, for some reason, Karl's friend decided that it would be a good idea to invite this other gentleman along with them on the double date! So the double date now consisted of two couples and one additional dude.

         Karl didn't know the guy very well, but one thing he found out quickly was that he had no problem flirting with Karl's date! And, oddly enough, Karl's date's missing personality finally made an appearance as well, and at that point the double date was back on track! There were still 5 people total, only now there were two couples (the friend and his girlfriend, and the date and the random guy) and one chauffeur (Karl).

        So Karl drove the four to his house where he served dessert to them. Then the two couples and Karl played Catch Phrase together, which, to make things worse, Karl's team lost because his team mates (his date and random guy) were too busy flirting with each other. Karl then had the pleasure of taking everyone home.

        Karl also got to sit in the car and wait for about half an hour for his date and the random guy to finish up a conversation they were having, before Karl could walk his date to the door. And so he just sat there in silence and let it happen. And to Karl's shock and horror, the random guy actually got this girl's phone number and made plans to hang out with her while the three of them were sitting in the car in front of her apartment, yes while she was on a date with Karl!

        When this guy finally wrapped things up he said "So Karl, are you going to walk her to the door or what?" And so Karl speechlessly walked his date to the door and let her give him a meaningless hug...unless the meaning of the hug was "Hey Karl. Thanks for spending your hard earned money so I could ignore you all night and make plans in front of you to go out with another guy! I don't even feel badly about this. In fact, I'm glad I said yes to you even though I should've just said no, because that guy who just got my number from the back seat of your car is a $Romney$ (this is true). My plan all along was to try to make this date as terrible as possible so that there would be no chance of you asking me out again (this is also true and confirmed by trusted sources). Hopefully this date was bad enough that I never have to talk to you...or even look at you again. Also, you suck at Catch Phrase. And cream soda floats? Really? Well, here's a courtesy hug, although it pains me to my very core to have to be within even a ten foot radius of you. I hope you die."

Karl didn't date for 6 years after this (false).

The End

This story is not fabricated although I've omitted the names to protect...myself?


  1. haha oh my gosh! I laughed so hard when you told me this story and then again after reading it :) I think you SHOULD name names. Girls are awful.

  2. That is one terrible date! I'm sorry! I've had almost the equivalent happen to me, so I understand your pain. Karl, I have a confession to make....I totally had a crush on you when we worked at Los Hermanos together and I thought I was pretty obvious about it. But I don't know if you ever picked up on my cues. Anyways, I never would have acted like that (especially since I love to eat lots of food).

  3. You need to ask people to tell their best "bad date" experience and then give advice or a how Karl would have handled the situation.

  4. Sounds like that guy did you a favor. He'll get the same treatment from her sooner or later. Any woman that's worth a second thought would at least have some decency and respect for her date... but more so, one worth keeping around is going to be just as excited to date you, as you are to date her.
    It also means she doesn't know you very well. You're worth much more than that, and you should believe it, and know it. And when your date acts like that, remember it. As they say: "It aint no thing." She's missin out, and you got lucky THIS time! ;) happy huntin