Look, I don't know if Mallory Everton is actually my future wife. I'm not a fortune teller. I can't see the future. And, despite two beautifully worded blog posts expressing my feelings for her, she still has not responded:( My friends and family have encouraged me to give up, and that continuing to post about her is becoming increasingly embarrassing and pathetic. BUT what I do know, is that although my chances may be slim, while I'm still single, Mallory is still one of roughly a billion single females out there in the world that I COULD potentially marry (my mind is telling me there's not a chance, but something inside me, maybe my heart, is telling me to hold out hope just a little longer).
Well, at present, she needs our help to win a contest with some of her co-workers. They are trying to see who's Facebook fan page can get the most 'likes.' And, due to the absolutely MASSIVE readership of this blog, I think we can really help her out.
So please click on this link: Mallory's Facebook Page and 'like' her page. You won't regret it.
Ok, now that's out of the way I can tell you that I'm seriously entertaining the idea of asking out a real-life human girl who I actually know and interact with. If ANY of you reading this know how people do this in the real world let me know. The best idea I've been able to come with is to purchase a live iguana, duct tape its arms and legs to her porch and tie a string around its neck and attach the other end of it to the door knob. Then doorbell ditch her. That way when she opens the door, the iguana's head is ripped off. And I've left a note with it that says 'Iguana go out with me sometime?' with my name and phone number. Thoughts?