Seriously though, I think it was Brigham Young who said that any man who is 26 and single is a menace to society. I’ve found this statement to be true (especially on BYU campus). So to live up to the expectations set by Brigham Young, I’ve tried to be extra menacing this past year. To give you and idea of just how menacing I’ve been, this one time, I stayed up WAY past midnight!
Also, sometimes I’ll be driving and I’ll just change lanes a few times for no reason. This really throws people off. I can’t hear what people in other cars are saying to me when I do this, but I feel like they might be saying, “Man, that guy sure is a menace!”
Occasionally I’ll even down a 6 pack of cream soda (Henry Weinart’s usually). There’s no telling what I’ll do on a cream soda sugar rush!
But mostly I’ll just walk around giving people a real menacing look.
At first, I was pretty excited to turn 27 so I could quit being a menace…but that was until I happened upon another quote by Brigham Young that said any man who is 27 and STILL not married not only continues to be a menace, but also becomes a danger to himself and those around him. No kidding, back in pioneer times when a single guy turned 27 they would just lock him up. They’d leave him in prison for about 8 or 10 years and then let him out hoping everyone had forgotten about him. The only problem was it was super easy to escape from pioneer prisons, so they had to stop doing it (side note: this paragraph is completely made up).I’m really just happy to still be alive at my age…and to not be in a pioneer prison. But honestly, it is much harder to date the older I get. Not only do girls start looking at you funny when you tell them how old you are (at least here in Utah), but the older you get the more content you are to be single. The other day I went to the movie “Valentine’s Day” BY MYSELF (this is true). Just me and two other couples in the entire theater. Could I have taken a girl? Maybe. But how was I supposed to enjoy the comedy and wit of Ashton Kutcher and Jennifer Garner while at the same time trying to impress a girl? Sure the other people in the theater were weirded out by my being alone, but hey, it’s my job to be a menace!