Saturday, July 2, 2011

Mormon Times Dating Blog Contest #1

           Most people would say that I’m not a great dater.  It’s an observation that they easily make just by knowing that I’m 26 years old (27 next month), I live in Utah County, and I’m not married.  When they dig a little deeper they realize that they were wrong.  I’m a terrible dater.  My freshman year at BYU was in 2001.  Most people can get married or at least have a couple close calls in just one or two years at the Y (otherwise known as the LDS school of HOW TO EASILY FIND AN ETERNAL COMPANION).  It’s 2010 and I’m currently STILL enrolled at BYU and trying to get an undergraduate degree in…well just about anything at this point.  And the closest I’ve come to getting married is when I was a greenie missionary in the Philippines and a member girl, taking advantage of my total lack of ability to understand the language, tricked me into agreeing to return and marry her after my mission. (Side note: I have scheduled a trip to the Philippines this May). 
            In fact, I’m such a bad dater, that I have my own group on facebook called ‘Karl Kowallis isn’t getting married and doesn’t need your address’ where people write me with their relationship questions.  I tell them what I would do, and then encourage them to do the opposite to ensure they have a successful relationship. 
            I really don’t know what I’m doing wrong though.  You would think taking a girl to your parents house on the first date and playing Disney Trivial Pursuit would pretty much win over anyone, right?  Well, you’d be wrong. I had to find that out the hard way.  Another interesting thing I learned is that being able to play Guitar Hero on expert doesn’t attracted the ladies like you think it would.
            I’ve tried everything.  Serenading them with my saxophone (worked in ‘Better Off Dead’, failed for me), throwing pebbles at their window in the middle of the night (apparently the pebbles need to be really small for this), poetry (no comment).
            My latest technique is to be really mean to girls on dates (being a nice guy hasn’t worked, and we all know LDS girls are attracted to bad boys).  It’s not working either.  They just don’t take me seriously.  I even wear my Ninja Turtles T-shirt (not only is it very cool, it also lets my date know that I can handle myself in a fight)!
            Now if you’re reading this you’re probably thinking to yourself, ‘wow, this guy has tried everything! He must be really ugly or something for that stuff not to work!’  Well, you’d be wrong again!  I’m two months at Gold’s Gym away from being ridiculously good-looking.  It’s true.  Ask my grandparents…and my Gold’s Gym trainer.
            I guess some people just aren’t meant to get married…or have girl friends…or friends that are female.  Suffice it to say I’m really looking forward to my trip to the Philippines!

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